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First of all, its been forever since I have posted something.  I think about it a lot, but have been ummm distracted with life! I feel like this post will be different than others in the past.  In my past posts I try to have a theme and write with the best of my ability.  Today I am tired.  So tired, physically and emotionally, and I am sure in other ways too!  Being a mom to preschoolers is so hard!  I don’t want this to be a ‘cry-fest’ or a self pity party, but its going to turn into that.  Everyday I wake up and the same thing fills my day.  Trying to respond quickly and fast to the demands being thrown at me.  The whining, the crying, the messes, the snacks, the discontentment, the laundry, the constant runny noses and the ongoing colds, the dishes, the meals, the diapers and the list goes on!  I feel like my household is going crazy and I feel out of control lately.  I try to blame it on things like our house is too small and there is limited space to play and live, or we can’t spend enough time outside cause its not yet nice enough be out for super long periods of time.  Or maybe the problem is that Braeden doesn’t walk yet and that is why he is so discontent.  Or maybe the problem is that Brooklynn gets up to early in the morning and doesn’t get enough sleep.  I seem to find many problems and complain or whine to my husband.  My husband is amazing and does encourage me, he does.  I am so thankful for that.  But I know it comes down to my relationship with my Lord.  What can I say…it lacks.  But then again I want to blame that on my busy, child filled life!  I know that I can find time to spend with my ever-loving and caring Father.  My spiritual life is evident in my day to day responses and attitudes.  I need Jesus to renew and fill my life with the fruits of the Spirit.  I desire so badly to raise my children the correct way.  I desire with all my heart that they will come to know the God that I know and follow and serve him fervently!  And as it stands now, I believe, my love for Jesus is not shining through to them as much as it should be.  Things need to change around here…we need peace in our household.  I read a devotional the other day, and walked away with this – “Don’t be misled-you cannot mock the justice of God.  You will always harvest what you plant” Galatians 6:7.  My children are my garden and I need to be very conscientious of what I plant into their lives, so that a great harvest willed  be reaped of their lives!  Today will be my first, new day of being very conscientious of that.  I will try to be disciplined in my walk with the Lord so that He will shine through my life to my children.

I feel like its been so long since I have posted anything.  But I have had a lot on my mind, though just one thing at a time I will write about here.  Since this is fresh in my mind I would like to blog about it now…my daughter encouraged me tremendously the other day.  Now you have to know that my daughter, Brooklynn, is only two and a half…well I guess almost three now.  But I believe the Lord used her to really open my eyes to my sad, grumpy and sinful state.  I was just having a rough day.  I had been to the dentist in the morning and had gotten two fillings.  So when I returned home, my mouth was still frozen, I couldn’t eat and I was just exhausted…and there to greet me were my wonderful, yet energetic but also somewhat discontent children!  They had a good morning with their Dad,  Braeden had a little nap, Brooklynn played nice, as she usually does in the mornings.  But when I got home it was just that ‘special’ time of day, the time right after lunch when Brooklynn is tired, yet not tired enough to give in to a nap, and Braeden wanting mommy only for one reason, to fill his tummy.   So I had two choices, I could ask God to give me strength to get through the afternoon, or I could try to do it on my own strength.  I chose the latter…not a good choice and my actions reflected that.  Brooklynn spent a lot of time crying, as did Braeden and even I ended up in tears on the couch when Daddy came to the rescue.  But in that moment when I broke down, my sweet, soft hearted little girl comes over to the couch when she sees my tears, “ooooh mommy it’s okay, we all like you…I love you and Daddy loves you and Braeden loves you too.”  This child has no idea how that hit me!  The wisest thing I heard all day came from a two year old!  My family loves me, even when I make mistakes!  They love me, even when they’ve had a visit from monster mom about 15 minutes before that!  I felt like God was speaking through Brooklynn in that moment as well.  God loves me even when I blow it…even when I ignore his open arms saying, “Carma, my child, give your frustrations and grumpiness over to me, let me carry you through the tough day, I want to be your rock to rely on, I love you.”  I have such an awesome and caring God. And I feel so blessed also, to have a little girl in my house hold who is letting the Lord use her, even if she doesn’t really realize it yet.  I see her spiritual gift perhaps of encouragement coming out in her, even at such a young age.

Does anyone else out there get completely overwhelmed with the expectations that are placed on you?  Lately I have been feeling like every area of life is bombarding me to be at the top of my game.  Eat healthy – don’t eat processed food, only homemade and organic food! Be the best parent – have disciplined and obedient kids!  Be a great wife – be everything they need you to be! Be a great friend -  be there always!  Be a godly woman – read my bible everyday, pray and put God first always! Be fit – workout everyday!  Be organized and clean -  keep the house clean, change the sheets every week, never have laundry sitting around, and never have dishes sitting in the sink for more than an hour!  AHHHHHHHHHHH!  I think I might just be making you all overwhelmed just by reading the last few sentences!  But seriously, at times in my life I look at these several areas and think, how can I do it?  How can I be a godly wife, parent and friend? And keep up with all things!  Reality is that we can’t right?  So what do we choose to put first?  For me it changes.  Sometimes during the year I feel like I can have time to focus a little more on health and fitness.  That time is not now (especially not near Christmas!) I still try to make sure we eat some fruit and veggies eat day, but sorry, no homemade bread here in the last few weeks.  Is it really a big deal if I make a store bought lasagna versus a homemade one?  Not really.  This season of life is not really allowing for much time for workouts or intense walks to burn off calories.  My husband and I have good intentions of doing some type of routine workout after the kids go to bed, but always end up chilling on the couch or catching up about our days.  This is the season to focus on raising my kids.  We are still figuring out how to discipline and what parenting is beyond those baby years!  This is the season to be a great wife…actually its always that season!  And of course its always the season to put Christ first too.  Sometimes, though, to be honest, that doesn’t happens.  But as I write this I am reminded that if I always make Jesus “the season”, those other areas will happen as they should.  So, Tis the Season to put Jesus first.

I remember being so excited to set up the Christmas tree when I was a kid.  And much to my dismay we were probably the last people to get around to buying a tree and setting it up!  Often we just had to wait until my Dad was home from being on the road to get the tree inside and into the flimsy stand.  Then it was agony waiting for it to thaw enough to start decorating!!  I remember digging through the box of old Christmas decorations we hadn’t seen in a whole year!  Some were homemade; (they seem to have disappeared from my Moms collection now??)  some were those balls with the miles of thread wrapped around and if it snagged it didn’t look so pretty anymore and then the fewer nicer ornaments that were probably gifts.   But I remember that feeling of maybe what some may call, ‘the Christmas spirit’.  As time went on and I grew older this feeling faded.  Even my first Christmas married I was so excited that I could decide when to put up our tree…I think it when up not too long after Halloween!  But Christmas wasn’t the same – there is something about kids and Christmas.  Richard and I began to see that in Brooklynn this year.  When we pulled out the tree and all the decorations she was so taken back by the beauty.  And believe me our tree is not much to look at!  But she was just in awe of the beauty of all the cheap ornaments, garland and dollar store decorations.  She has redecorated the bottom half of our tree many times in the last 2 weeks because it so fun for her.  Every where we go she is amazed by the lights, Santa and reindeer decorations, the Nativity scenes, candy canes and any thing Christmas.  Brooklynn tells me every few days, “Mommy its going to be Christmas soon.”  We have even been practicing singing Happy Birthday to Jesus about 5 times a day. (I light candles to blow out for an after potty reward and before they can be blown out I must sing along!) Thanks to all the commercials on a new kids channel (treehouse doesn’t have too many commercials) she is learning to tell us what she wants for Christmas.  When we made a list for Grandma she knew exactly what to put on it, anything princess!  So we now have our work cut out to make sure in Christmas’ to come to be teaching our kids the true meaning and reason to Celebrate!  Its hard to compete with the worldly reasons of course, which of course are not all bad.  But we want to instill in our kids how to give generously to others and be thankful to God for sending his son as a baby.  All this said it warms my heart to see my daughter laugh and smile at every thing Christmas; from lights, to candy canes; from Santa and his reindeer to her asking to sing Happy Birthday to baby Jesus just one more time.